Jose.

It's been a year and a couple days since you left me, us. I remember the day Millie called us.. and told us. My mom screamed, and I didn't know what was going on.. I think because of the shock, all my mom could say was Jose killed himself..
Its been a year, and I still cant digest that. As I look at what I just wrote, I can't help but burst into tears, and I hope you hear me out Jose. I know its an unforgivable sin, what you did, but you are far too much of a beautiful person to not deserve a spot in heaven. You didn't leave us anything.. Not a note, you never said bye, and it makes me so angry. It makes so angry that you werent able to live out your life like we will be able to.. I have to hear about the bad part of you, the drug abuse, and I have to hear about it after I'm able to do anything about it, after I'm able to help you. I never got to say bye, I never got to have one last beer with you. Remember when we said we were gonna name our children after each other? Cus I do, I still remember. The vision of your mom, my aunt screaming at the top of her lungs, the vision of you on the news under white sheets, the cries and screaming I heard in my house, its so painful that I can hardly breath right now from my tears and fustration. Sometimes I get mad and I ask why'd you do this to us, why did you hurt our family so much, why did you abandon us so quick.. And then I stop, cuc theres nothing I can do now. You wont be at my wedding giving me a speech.. You won't be at my child's babyshower. You wont be anywhere, and I just don't know when I will accept that. I grant my aunt the peace and serenity to deal with all of this, as she has to live in such a big house, alone, always passing by your red drums, your computer with all your pictures and videos on it, your room decorated of bob marley, and beautiful carribean colors. Yeah, you caught me, I don't talk to you everyday.. But boy do I miss you. So much, much than you will ever know.
Yo se que no hablabamos como antes, y que tu estabas envuelto en los estudios y tu vida, pero tu primita te quiere tanto, tanto Jose y nunca te lo dije porque nunca creia que no ibas a estar aqui tan pronto. El amor de familia que me diste, y el mes que estabamos junto nunca lo voy a olvidar, y siempre estaras en mi corazon primito. Te quiero y te amo tanto, que canses en paz.